Say Cheese

I have been wanting to get family photos taken ever since Beatrice was born. To say Cory has been adamantly opposed might be a slight understatement. I strategized for years on how to get him to agree and finally came upon a solution. I guilted him (and the rest of the family) into doing it for my mom's upcoming 60th birthday. After much coordination, we finally settled on a date that worked. We figured out the color scheme (you know I'm anal like that) and I waited for this special daty. It finally arrived and it was hotter than hell. Humid as a mo-fo, hazy, crotch rot hot. Disgusting. If you know me, you know I sweat like a fat kid. LikeA LOT.

The whole family showed up to the designated outdoor location. All plans for pretty hairdo's were out the window. The photographer (shout out to Joe of JGD Design and Photgraphy!) was very patient and pleasant and seemingly unperturbed by the 99 degree weather and ridonculous humidity.  The whole shoot lasted all of 40 minutes. There was time for more pictures but most of us had sweat through our clothes. Literally sweat stained all over. Thank god for PhotoShop.  Here are some of the best shots of the day.

A couple of my favorite quotes from the day:
Joe, the Photographer: "Can you just reach over and get that sweat towel out of the shot?" (My brothers, former fat kids, were smart enough to bring sweat rags to wipe down between shots.)

Me to my brother: "Let me grab that sweat towel."
Brother: "Ah, I don't really know if you should use that."
Me, grabbing the towel, and mopping my entire chesticle area: "I don't care that it has your sweat on it."
Brother: "I kind of meant I don't want your sweat on it. Especially not your  boob sweat."
Me: "Oh."
Brother: "That towel's yours now."

Fun times with the whole family. Hopefully the next shoot will be a little cooler.

Cousin Lovin'

These kids are too damn funny. Every time I pulled out the camera they would pose like a prom couple, one standing behind the other holding his/her waist.

Bob Barker Loves Us

A couple of weeks ago, Cory had his man bits snipped. The neutering was a success (unlike my epic fail.) There were a couple of notable stories from this experience. And lucky for you, I've been given clearance to share them.

Most men have their vasectomies taken care of in the urologists' office, it's quite a routine procedure. However, my husband suffers from severe doctor/medical intervention/fainting issues. Once the doctor assessed him at the consultation he recommended that the procedure occur in the hospital with full anaesthesia. However, I will have you know that my man was tough as nails when I had my babies via c-section, even cutting the umbilical cord. He's good with medical stuff with others, just not himself.

Anyhow, once the surgery was over, the doctor met me in the consultation room for the standard de-brief. He told me that everything went fine and filled me in on post-care stuff. I was trying to make note of everything while he was trying to rush out to his next ball surgery. So as he's zipping through his spiel, I hear the phrase "supportive undergarment." Not knowing this was in the plan, I inquire "So this support garment I need to buy, is that something I can get at CVS or do I need to go to like a Dick's Sporting Goods?" He basically laughed in my face and walked out of the room shaking his head, thinking I was making some kind of joke. Why I didn't just go with Sports Authority?

A couple of minutes later, the staff called me into the Recovery Room. Cory was laying there, eyes kind of glazed over and still a bit groggy. The nurse was telling him that he needs to take it easy for the next couple of days and apply ice and not lift heavy things. She stops to write something down and he 'whispers' to me "Ask her when I can use this thing again" while motioning to his nether regions. If you have him tell the story, he'll say he totally whispered it. He may have "Irish" whispered it but it was completely audible. The nurse looked at us, then I kind of mumbled something about asking the doctor at his post-op appointment. I know I tend to exaggerate my stories but this one is verbatim. If I was embellishing this I would have added that he pelvic thrusted and licked his lips too. Come to think of it, he totally licked his lips.

And finally there's really nothing funnier than your nearly 4 year old picking up your husband's jock strap off the ground with one finger, asking "Daddy's tessicles still hurt?"

I know, I am juvenile.

Thanksgiving ReCap 2011

Ate lots of food. Laughed a lot. Played with the kids. Danced our asses off.

(What? You guys don't have dance parties at your Thanksgiving Celebrations? Maybe it's a Portuguese thing. *)

And now for the more civilized family shot.
Do you like Theo's Bieber circa 2010 hair? Do you know how much blow drying and hairspray that takes.

*Another notable moment, was when my mother launched into a turkey story just as we all stuffed the first bites into our mouths. While prepping the 26 lb turkey for cooking, she reached into the cavity to pull out the innards and thought she got most of it out. She went back in for a final check and found the neck. It was the longest neck bone she's ever seen! It was as long as, and I quote "a giraffe's penis." Who says that!?!

Bob Barker Is Pissed at Me

This post title is a paraphrase of what Cory said to me as we left the hospital on Thursday. The spaying was an epic fail. The doctor wasn't able to do the procedure because I had excessive scar tissue. I was not even aware that this was a possibility so you can imagine how I reacted when she told me this news. The only good thing that came out of this surgery was that I had the most restful sleep I've had in the last 5 years. They didn't give me the full blown anaesthesia, just something to make me take a nap. I woke up damn well-rested. Well rested and still fully fertile. What a kick to the Fallopian's.

When I got home I was achy and crampy. Beatrice was in bed with me while I read her a book. She kicked me while rolling over and I winced, telling her to be careful with my tummy. With eyes as wide as saucers she inquired "Do you have a baby in there?!" Is the universe trying to tell me something?!?

This is officially the last post that will deal with my reproductive organs. I can't make the same promise about Cory's manbits.

Ma'am I'm Gonna Need to See an I.D.

My family was up in Maine a couple of weeks ago to visit with my aunt and uncle at their lake house. On the way back from our trip to the ice cream parlor, my brother asked my mom to stop at the store so he could grab some beer. I went in with him so I could get some ice and my aunt came in too. My brother grabs the beer, puts it on the counter, then slickly hands me a $20 and tells me to buy it because he left his wallet and I.D. at the house. I shake my head because I don't have my I.D. either. He then whispers to my aunt, "Auntie, can you buy this, we left our I.D.s at home. " She replies, "I don't have my I.D. either." We all start laughing, including the sales clerk who has been watching this entire episode. My aunt has a full head of silver hair and is in her late 60s. She was dead serious. That's only the second time she's ever bought beer but if you ask her to get you an eight ball she's all over the correct processes and procedures.

Under the Sea

I had an ocean filled birthday weekend. Friday night we dined on mussels. Saturday we went to Good Harbor Beach in Gloucester. Saturday night we had an old fashioned Portuguese clam bake with steamers, 2 lb lobsters, and corn on the cob. And Cory went over the top by getting us oysters too. By late Saturday night I was one salty, sandy mess inside and out. There is nothing like a New England summer.

Happy Anniversary, Sister and B-i-L

Look what you can accomplish in 4 short years.

Eastah 2011 Re-cap

Easter was lovely this year. It was very low key and stress free. We did have one minor snafu involving the Easter eggs for the hunt. Saturday night we were filling the eggs and Cory deemed the items to fill them unacceptable. He rushed out to CVS to get some candy. I thought her eggs were just fine without the candy. Hell, we grew up looking for colored hard boiled eggs, none of this plastic eggs filled with candy shit.




















Here is my girl during her hunt. (Theo was still sleeping but he got to look for a couple of eggs when he woke up.)



Here's a flashback to past Easters (2010 and 2009.)

Massa Making 101

This past weekend we got all pioneer woman. We baked some Massa (Portuguese sweet bread.) Any self respecting Portuguese woman would whip up loaves of this on the regular. Slowly, all of the massa makers are dying off. Once my grandmother died, we would get our massa from various Portuguese markets or other relatives but it was never as good as my grandmother's. And everyone has a different spin on their bread. Some make it softer, drier, more lemony, saltier, sweeter, etc. We've been talking about making our own for years.

So my mother, sister, and mother-in-law gathered to give it a shot this past weekend. My mother, sister and I are not bakers while my mother-in-law definitely is. We made a good team because my mom went off memory and a cryptic recipe from her 85 year old aunt while my mother-in-law provided the break baking know-how.

The end result was near perfect, just as I remember my Vavo making. And hell, how can anything that uses lard, 2 lbs of sugar and 1 lb of butter taste bad?!?

Ashes to Ashes

My brother's hijinks have been well documented on this blog. For all of his flaws (he's got a few but who doesn't) he's worth his weight in gold for his storytelling skills. Someone really has to write a book or sitcom about this guy.

The other night he told us about this new tattoo he's getting. A little background first: over the summer, he spent some time in California staying with an old friend. About a month after he returned home, this friend died in a motorcycle accident. To memorialize him, my brother is getting a tattoo. (For the record, my brother is a very respectful young man. He was sure to get clear this by his friend's family and to talk directly to his mom to make sure she was comfortable with this.)

So evidently there's this tattoo technique where you can put cremation ashes (trace amounts) into the ink. I've never heard of this but admitedly my time in tattoo parlors is limited. I am not really into tattoos (shocker!) although I think this is actually quite nice.

My brother told us about the process of going to get the ashes from his friend's family. Highlights include how to open the container holding the ashes (trying to avoid the whole 'poof' situation), where to put his small portion of the ashes (a Ziploc bag just doesn't seem appropriate), and finally the best comment from his deceased friends' brother on the whole tattooing/ashes thing: "Bet you never thought you'd have a black man in you." Only my brother...

Mini-cation

We took a little mini vacation this weekend. Friday night Cory and I laying around, bemoaning the fact that we had nothing going on so we decided to jump online and book a hotel room for the next night in Portsmouth, NH. I've always joked that we should work for the NH tourism board because we constantly rave about that little city. We go up there whenever we can. This was our first overnight there with the kids.

It was lots of fun. Beatrice was quite excited to be going to a Show 'n Tell (hotel.) I would correct her and then she'd go, "Right, the showtell." We took the kids out to lunch at the Portsmouth Brewery.

Then we went back to the hotel for swimming at the indoor pool. Beatrice loved putting on her new swimsuit and sandals. She rocked her robe, even insisting on wearing down to breakfast the next morning. She was all about the outfit but not really about getting into the pool. She is so one of those old ladies that suns by the pool with the spritz bottle of cool water.

Theo, on the other hand, was a little fish. He loved the water, chattering teeth and all.

Overall we had a lovely time and it was refreshing to get out of town. When we were pulling out of our parking spot, headed home Beatrice exclaimed "This was the best time eber (ever.)"

Merry, Merry 2010

Hello there. Just checking in before embarking on a shitstorm of food, drink, presents, hosting, house hopping, and celebrating. I wanted to document a couple of holiday moments leading up to Christmas 2010 before I forget them.

Holiday Cards
So kudos to all of you out there who managed to get a photo of your children together. Not so much in the Chase household. Here are some of the outtakes.

Here is what we pulled together.

Christmas Tree

A couple of weeks ago, we bundled up the kids, packed up the camera, and embarked on our Christmas Tree hunt. We pulled into the tree lot with 2 sleeping kids and a whipping wind. We took turns waiting with the kids in the car while the other went to find the 'perfect tree.' We ended up with a decent tree and the kids were absolutely no help at all. I think we're going to cut our own next year. Might make for a better photo op.

I hope Santa is good to all of you. But not to worry, Beatrice informed me that Santa brings presents to everyone, naughty or nice, even the 'bobos' (the mischievous monkeys on Diego.) According to the most recent episode of Diego, the bobos repented for their sins on Christmas Eve and were granted Christmas presents. Way to undo a month's worth of empty threats, Nickelodeon!

Get Your Advent On

Christmas season is upon us. I feel a little behind but we'll catch up this weekend. I did manage to get the advent calendar done. I feel funny calling it an advent calendar because we aren't really religious but whatever. Today's Christmas activity was Work on Christmas List. Done.

Here are some more activities for this holiday season:

Make and mail Christmas cards
Put up wreaths & lights
Buy tree
Decorate tree
Listen to Christmas music
Watch Christmas movie
Go on Christmas lunch and movie date
Go to Zoo to see Christmas lites
Go on Christmas light drive (bring cocoa and cookies)
Make cookies for cookie party
Wrap gifts
Drink cocoa by the fire
Have crepe breakfast and listen to Christmas music
Collect change for Salvation Army kettle
Finish online shopping
Do mall shopping
Buy holiday helper gifts
Celebrate Christmas Eve with friends and family

For more details on making your own, check out last year's post. What are some activities you do every year to get ready for Christmas?

Snapshots

My poor kids are going to grow up hating having their photos taken. They suffer at the other end of the lens.

Theo is sort of conditioned to smile when he hears the click of the camera flash. He smiles on command.

The toddler, on the other hand, requires much more cajoling. I struggled to get even this half hearted smile out of her. She's all Paris Hilton-esque, "I know you want my photo. Work for it."

True Confessions

I listen to really bad music when I'm at the gym. Like shamefully bad music. The likes of Katy Perry, Ke$ha (I just threw up in my mouth typing the dollar sign), Usher, Nelly, etc. To put it in perspective my Pandora Playlist is Today's Hits Radio. I can't help it. I've tried other playlists, songs from Cory's collection, but I keep coming back to this guilty pleasure.


So what if I've thrown an involuntary fist pump while upping the speed on the treadmill, blasting Bruno Mars' Grenade. Did you know that if you were his boo, he would do the following for you:

I'd catch a grenade for ya.

Throw my hand on the blade for ya,

I'd jump in front of a train for ya.

You know I’d do anything for ya.

See I would go through all this pain

Take a bullet straight through my brain.

Yes I would die for ya baby.

That's love.

You can judge my music all you want but I dare you to not pick up your pace when you hear the opening cords to Gaga's, Alejandro.*

*Speaking of which, I need to get my hands on the cell phone video my brother took of all of us busting out to this song at my cousin's wedding. My brother, Alejandro, basically has a choreographed routine he does to this song since EVERYONE requests it every time he is out. If you know him, you know his dance card always has room for one more.

Where'd My Baby Go?

We started rice cereal with Theo this past weekend. With Beatrice, I kind of always felt OK about whatever stage we were in. With Theo, it's a little different. He will be our last child so all of the first's we are going through now are also the last's. Kind of bittersweet.
So we jumped into solids on Saturday. Beatrice was very much into helping out (of course.) She gave him his inaugural first bite. I love how she's such a little mama. Check out how her mouth is open, mimicking his open mouth.

He's not so sure about this mush.

Beatrice, my well-mannered little lady, could not handle the mess he was making. Check out her look of disgust as she wipes him down.

After our first food experience, I started making some more food for Baby Theo. It was nice to spend the chilly morning cooking, drinking coffee, and staying in our pajamas. I love late fall weekend mornings. When we sat down for pancakes, Beatrice said "I love my family." Heart commence melting.

UPDATE: Halloween 2010 ReCap

My family loves Halloween. It was my grandmother's birthday too so we all have a special place in our hearts for this day. We had a family fiesta to celebrate All Hallows Eve. We were the Rubbles and the Flintstones this year.

Some great costumes came through the door. Most notably was Darth Spader, Some White Trash Guy in Shorty Shorts, and even Santa!

Beatrice was a little put off by Santa's unannounced arrival. I think she was nervous that her name was still on the Naughty List. We aren't scared to start threatening with the Naughty List come October 1st. Never too early.

We took the kids out for treats at night. Beatrice was a bit timid. I don't blame her. The whole trick-or-treating thing is an odd concept. I think she'll be more into it next year.

My favorite memory of Halloween 2010 will be how the night came to a close. After going to a couple of houses in the old neighborhood, we came back home. I was getting Theo into his crib, Cory was putting out the trash, and Beatrice was checking out her loot. She called up to me to ask if she could eat her lollipop. I told her that she could have it after dinner. Then I heard Cory come in from putting out the trash and call out for Beatrice. No response. I came downstairs and checked the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom... no Beatrice. I came back into the family room to find her laying behind the couch, crouched down, as if to hide or pretend she was sleeping. Peeking out from beneath her head of curls was a lollipop wrapper. The little devil was clandestinely eating her lollipop like a little sneak. And oh ya, she pissed her pants while doing it. The mere thought of getting caught while breaking the rules led her to pee herself. Strong fear and respect for authority... she is so my daughter.

More photos here.

UPDATE: Here is the photo of my little one 'hiding' while eating her lollipop.

And for the record, she is wearing her skunk costume for the 3rd year in a row. In her parent's defense, it was the only costume that she had that was warm enough.

The Worst Places in Boston

I loathe the Aquarium* and Faneuil Hall. Too many people, too many kids, too many germs, etc. On Sunday we decided to hit both up. Don't ask why... just trying to be a good mom and have some fun with the kids. Epic fail.

Beatrice and Theo slept 80% of the outing. Not that I'm complaining. I'll take a sleeping kid any day. Julian had fun, checking out the fish and the tide pool. All was going OK until a woman zipped by us dragging her 5 year old son, screaming she had lost her 3 year old daughter. Its a parent's worst nightmare. I went over to the woman and suggested she go to Information to alert security. They needed to lock down the place. She didn't want to leave the area in case her daughter was looking for her. Poor woman was not thinking rationally, I totally get it.

My sister told her she'd go down to security and asked what the girl was wearing. It was quite chaotic. My sister jetted down the walkway towards Security and Dave ran after her attempting to locate the little girl himself. I turned back to our kids in the strollers (Cory was now standing with them) and started the conversation about how important it is to always know what our kids are wearing, head to toe, coats and shoes included. Then I looked around "Where's Julian?!?" Cory thought he was still with Dave but I had just watched Dave book it down to the next floor. Oh God. I ran back to the tide pool to find him, then ran back to Cory who went out to find him while I stayed with my kids.

About 1 minute later we heard, "Would the parents of a little boy in a green and grey sweater please report to Security." Just as they were making the overhead announcement, my sister, the lost little girl, and a Security Guard were coming up the walkway. Cory ran down to claim Julian just as Dave showed up and they were handing him off to Cory. So that raises the question, how does Security know when its actually the parent and not just a pedophile claiming a kid? I know that Julian said Cory's name and went to him but what if you have a super friendly kid or non-verbal kid? Julian was completely unfazed by the incident and in all fairness he didn't do anything wrong, he didn't wander off from us, we wandered off from him!

Needless to say our day at the Aquarium ended right after that. God damn, I needed a drink. To calm down, we went to Quincy Market. At least it wasn't crowded or anything. Then it started raining on the way back to the cars. Just the last kick in the nuts we needed.

Although I made the day out to be miserable it really wasn't that bad. No matter how crappy the circumstances, whenever we are with my sister and family, we can find the humor in it.

*In all fairness, I don't totally loathe the Aquarium as it was the scene of my first 'real' date with Cory. We stopped at the penguin section and witnessed a male penguin mount an unassuming female penguin. He got down to bidness, then spunked all over her back. I thought that only happened in the smut movies. That memory forever bonds me and my husband.

Wedding Weekend ReCap

We had a great time at my cousin's wedding this past weekend. It was filled with booze and debauchery. And oh ya, 2 people committing themselves to each other for life. Some highlights (in some cases low lights depending on your level of morality/self respect.)

• 5 hours in a car with my mother. Never again.
• Unpacking the car after the draining drive to find that my breast pump never made it. I am not going to point fingers but my mother was in charge of putting my bags in her car. Luckily I had my level headed sister with me who found a Wal-Mart that carried those old fashioned hand pumps. That held me over until Cory arrived the next day.
• Getting quite inebriated with my entire family after the rehearsal dinner. Like epic drunkenness. Shots of Yaeger and tequila kind of epic. 5 out of 8 family members threw up. Though in my youngest brother's defense his was food related. And the jury is out on my mom and aunt though they wouldn't cop to it even if they did. Perhaps one of us (read, me) may have awoken throwing up in bed. Who does that?!? Not a shocker that I puke as that is pretty much my M.O. but wow, I couldn't even make it to the toilet. This was not the first time a member of my family has defiled a hotel room on the eve of a wedding. But that's another story for another time. My other brother claimed he didn't throw up and then remembered later on that if fact he had thrown up right after breakfast. Total shit show.
• Losing my contact during said raucous night. Of course I forgot an extra pair of contacts. I bring an extra pair whenever I go away and I've never had to use one. That was my luck this weekend.
• My brother getting locked out of his room not one, but 2 nights. That inn keeper loved him and his drunken bell ringing at 3 in the morning. One of those nights was because he left his room without his key. He was walking out a grenade he had taken home after the rehearsal dinner. That's his M.O. at family weddings.
• Going yard saleing on the morning after the rehearsal dinner. My sister and I had drunkenly agreed to go with my cousin. He was in pretty bad shape too so we didn't think he'd call us on it. But oh he did so we were in the car at 9am driving around Camden hitting the sales. The best part was that my aunt's friend heard us talking about it at breakfast and asked to come with us. I sat in the back with George, trying not to breathe on him. After the first sale, I couldn't take it any more so I passed out, most likely mouth agape. I sat out each subsequent stop, instead sleeping and trying to not throw up. Georgie will never look at me the same again.
• Hearing a smoke alarm as we were leaving our room to go out after the wedding. Then realizing it was coming from my mom's room. We busted in there to a blaring alarm, her hunched over the heater trying to turn it off, and the smell of burnt plastic. Our family was a curse to that hotel.
• Witnessing a bridesmaid/groomsman drunken courtship. Made me nostalgic for college.
• Drunken dancing. My signature drunk dance is a modified 'throw your hands up in the air.' There was this one guy who did the 'waiter holding a tray.' He'd toss in some other moves but that was his stand-by. Priceless. However nothing can rival my brother-in-law's fist pump. Pauly D's got nothing on him.
• Dancing at least 3 times to Lady Gaga's "Alejandro" (that's my brother's name.) He claims he can't stand it but he totally loves it. "Don't call my name, don't call my name..."
• Finding out at the brunch that the groom (my cousin) lost his wallet the night before at the bar. I don't know how he didn't have to get his stomach pumped.

Overall it was a great time. Lots of laughing and family bonding. We won't have another family wedding for a while so it was nice to go out with a bang. My family definitely gets up to get down.