Monday, December 12, 2011

Bob Barker Loves Us

A couple of weeks ago, Cory had his man bits snipped. The neutering was a success (unlike my epic fail.) There were a couple of notable stories from this experience. And lucky for you, I've been given clearance to share them.

Most men have their vasectomies taken care of in the urologists' office, it's quite a routine procedure. However, my husband suffers from severe doctor/medical intervention/fainting issues. Once the doctor assessed him at the consultation he recommended that the procedure occur in the hospital with full anaesthesia. However, I will have you know that my man was tough as nails when I had my babies via c-section, even cutting the umbilical cord. He's good with medical stuff with others, just not himself.

Anyhow, once the surgery was over, the doctor met me in the consultation room for the standard de-brief. He told me that everything went fine and filled me in on post-care stuff. I was trying to make note of everything while he was trying to rush out to his next ball surgery. So as he's zipping through his spiel, I hear the phrase "supportive undergarment." Not knowing this was in the plan, I inquire "So this support garment I need to buy, is that something I can get at CVS or do I need to go to like a Dick's Sporting Goods?" He basically laughed in my face and walked out of the room shaking his head, thinking I was making some kind of joke. Why I didn't just go with Sports Authority?

A couple of minutes later, the staff called me into the Recovery Room. Cory was laying there, eyes kind of glazed over and still a bit groggy. The nurse was telling him that he needs to take it easy for the next couple of days and apply ice and not lift heavy things. She stops to write something down and he 'whispers' to me "Ask her when I can use this thing again" while motioning to his nether regions. If you have him tell the story, he'll say he totally whispered it. He may have "Irish" whispered it but it was completely audible. The nurse looked at us, then I kind of mumbled something about asking the doctor at his post-op appointment. I know I tend to exaggerate my stories but this one is verbatim. If I was embellishing this I would have added that he pelvic thrusted and licked his lips too. Come to think of it, he totally licked his lips.

And finally there's really nothing funnier than your nearly 4 year old picking up your husband's jock strap off the ground with one finger, asking "Daddy's tessicles still hurt?"

I know, I am juvenile.

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