Fall Firsts

Had lots of firsts last week.

Beatrice's first day of Pre-K (4-5 yr old classroom)
Bea is attending the same school she went to last year so the 'first day jitters' were non-existant. Her teacher is awesome. The kind of gal that's been doing this thang for about 20 years and is no-nonsense with the kids.

First lost tooth:  I think I was more worked up about this ordeal than my girl. Bea is typically the analytical, worry-wart kind of kid. This whole tooth thing was a breeze. She never ceases to amaze me. Or give me anxiety-induced diarrhea. The things I think are gonna be huge deals blow over like nothing, then the things I'm not prepared for become freakin' Mt. Vesuvius. It's the unpredictability of it all that makes parenting such a bitch. 

First Day of Sunday Football:  Celebrated in tandem with our very own, Dinky's, 33 birthday. Lobstahs all around.  I had about 3 bites because my kids are lobster freaks. (I know, First World Problems...)Beatrice and I also celebrated this holiday by taking a trip to the Mall. We hit up Lululemon, then the American Girl Doll store. Doesn't get more White-Suburbanite than that. The only thing that would have made it more stereotypical would have been pizza and salads at California Pizza Kitchen. Or PF Chang's if we were feeling 'ethnic.'

I realize that my poor lil Theo is missing from this post. Shout out to my boy.

He's Beatrice's real life doll (a la Richard Pryor's The Toy.)

Zoolander

The Monthly Give- May 2012

My friend writes for Rants from Mommyland. She's Guru Louise! In today's post they introduced their Mother Pucker Project in honor of Mother's Day. Pretty funny (and charitable!) One aspect of this project has to do with donating Clean Birth Kits.

Every minute a women dies of complications related to pregnancy and childbirth. Ninety-nine percent of these deaths occur in developing nations. For every woman who dies in childbirth, another 30 women incur injuries and infections, which are often preventable. (Source: World Health Organization.) 

Here's what goes into a clean birth kit.

1. Soap (for the birth attendant to wash her hands). Use a hotel-size soap or cut a regular bar of soap into 1/8-sized pieces. (Microwave the bar of soap for 30 seconds to soften it for cutting).
2. One pair of plastic gloves (for the birth attendant to wear).
3. Five squares of gauze (to wipe the mum’s perineum and baby’s eyes). Gauze pieces should be about 10×10 centimeters or 3×3 inches.
4. One blade (to cut the cord). You can buy individually wrapped sterile blades at the pharmacist or buy utility blades (much cheaper) at the hardware store. We teach the women to boil the blades for sterilization, so utility blades work just fine.
5. Three pieces of strong string (2 for tying the cord, 1 for “just in case”). String should be about 30 centimeters or 10 inches long.
6. One plastic sheet (for a clean birthing surface). Sheet should be approximately 1×1 meter or 1×1 yard and can be purchased at your hardware or paint store.
7. One sandwich-size ziplock bag (to pack the contents).

I plan on making the kits in the next couple of weeks and shipping them to Australia. If you would like to help out, get me your kits (or elements of the kits) by 5/15. Alternately you could make a donation directly to the organization. A $10 donation will make 5 clean birth kits. Check here for details.

Bob Barker Is Pissed at Me

This post title is a paraphrase of what Cory said to me as we left the hospital on Thursday. The spaying was an epic fail. The doctor wasn't able to do the procedure because I had excessive scar tissue. I was not even aware that this was a possibility so you can imagine how I reacted when she told me this news. The only good thing that came out of this surgery was that I had the most restful sleep I've had in the last 5 years. They didn't give me the full blown anaesthesia, just something to make me take a nap. I woke up damn well-rested. Well rested and still fully fertile. What a kick to the Fallopian's.

When I got home I was achy and crampy. Beatrice was in bed with me while I read her a book. She kicked me while rolling over and I winced, telling her to be careful with my tummy. With eyes as wide as saucers she inquired "Do you have a baby in there?!" Is the universe trying to tell me something?!?

This is officially the last post that will deal with my reproductive organs. I can't make the same promise about Cory's manbits.

Breeder's Cup

This is the end of an era. I am off to the hospital now for my procedure. I am feeling good about it, content that I am making the right decision. I am definitely lucky that I don't feel ambivalent about not wanting to bear any more children. My family is complete and we have been blessed with two healthy and happy children.

As Cory took the kids off to Miss Maria's today, I stood in the doorway and watched as they left. My heart swelled with pride knowing that this body grew those babies, gave birth to those babies, and fed those babies. This body has served me well and for that I am grateful.

Thank you Beatrice and Theo for giving me the chance to be your mama. I treasure forever that moment the nurses put each of you on my chest and I breathed in every last bit of you, knowing that you were mine.

No One Wins: It's a Tie

Here are 2 things you SHOULD NOT do while awaiting next month's tubal ligation procedure:*
1) Hold newborn babies.
2) Look at photos of your newborn babies.

Here are 2 things you SHOULD do while awaiting next month's tubal ligation procedure:
1) Look at yourself naked in a full length mirror. Go ahead, do it, I'll wait here...
2) Go to sleep at 10pm. Set you alarm for 12am, 2am, 4am, and 6am. 'Nuff said.

All joking aside, I'm sure I'll have a more heartfelt, serious post coming about the end to my baby making odyssey. Or maybe I'll just treat it flippantly and sarcastically as I tend to do with most life events. Shut up, that's a healthy coping mechanism.

* a.k.a tube tying or going-out-of-business sale

3 Became 6

This past weekend at Baby Bella's 1st birthday we finally updated this photo taken one year ago:

What a difference a year makes!?!

Conversation With My First Born

Me: I love you and your brother more than anything in the world.
Beatrice: Thanks.
Me: I'll love you both forever.
Beatrice: One day I'll tuck you into bed.

It's amazing the things that she comes up with. Little does she know that one day our roles will change and she will take care of me. At least I hope she will.

Happy 11 Months, Theo

Happy 11 month birthday, my sweet boy. You are just one month shy of your first birthday. These past months have flown by. Its been wonderful to watch you learn so many new things.

Your latest favorite past time includes playing with the oven tray (and hiding your shoes in there.)



You are also enjoying 'tasting' everything, including mulch, dirt, acorns, grass, dust bunnies.

Mealtimes have become quite a messy challenge. You refuse to let us spoon feed you. We basically have to trick you while you are attempting to hand feed yourself. We slide in the spoon full with the precision of a stealth fighter pilot. The other day I was cleaning out the freezer and came to your shelf of baby food. There are only a couple of containers left and I realized that I won't be needing to make you any more. You'll just eat what we're eating. All of these firsts are beginning to end.





You have 6 teeth. They are sharp as a shark's. You aren't aware of that. I am when I get in there to do a grass or mulch finger sweep and get a razor sharp bite in return. Thankfully you've had all your shots.

Sometimes when the days are gray and my heart is heavy, I take one look at you and your sister and the clouds and weight disspiate. You are easy to love and a joy to have as a son, Theo.

My Precious Girl

Hello My Beatrice,

You are growing up right before my eyes. Some days I will observe you playing one of your 'tend (pretend) games, blabbing away, hair pulled back into pigtails and I'll wonder where my little baby went. It seems like just the other day you were in my belly and my insides were a mix of excitement, joy, anxiety, wonder, and anticipation of what was around the corner. And today here you are a little person, a little girl of 3 going on 16.

Your imagination is a wondrous thing. Lately you've enjoyed the 'tend you left me game.' In this game you hide and I pretend that I've left you somewhere, usually the last place we went. This week we've been playing 'tend you left me in DC.' I walk around saying "Daddy, have you seen Beatrice. Oh no, where is she? Did we leave her in DC? I have to call Auntie and Uncle David to find out if they know where she is." Then you'll pop out from your hiding place to assure me you are safe and sound. I have yet to figure out why you enjoy this game. Seems to me quite a frightening prospect to be lost but you love it so.

You have also started the "I want a pet" game. Your father and I are anti-pet. We knew before we had kids that the pet thing would one day come up but we never anticipated it coming up so soon. It all started with this book. Since the first day we read it, you've been all about a dog.


When you're not asking for a pet, you are a dancing machine. You have really stepped up your game lately, often breaking out what you call, "the hardest one." You will stop whatever you're doing to bust out a dance move. Usually it involves some kind of balancing on one leg or getting down on all fours. Its quite impressive.

Your competitive streak has begun to manifest itself in many ways. You will often make people go back to back to see who is taller. You make me and Daddy do this all the time and in an attempt to not hurt my feelings you will say sweetly, "You are both tallers." You make me and Miss Barbara go back to back (which is also bum to bum which is quite intimate, I have to say). I wonder if this competitive streak is a case of genetics or just a phase. We shall see.

One area we are dealing with now has to do with your wardrobe. You choose one item of clothing and aim to wear it day after day. You insist on wearing your "Staying up for Santa" pajamas every night. If they are in the laundry, all hell breaks loose. You are also adamant that you will not wear jeans, sneakers, or the color blue. Many battles have ensued over these restrictions. The other day I finally held my ground and tossed you into blue jeans, sneakers, and a blue sweatshirt (the horror!) You did all you could, including walking like Frankenstein, limping, crying, and begging to get out of that outfit, finally proclaiming, "But its not comportable (comfortable.)" I am all for the girly-girly but we have to be equal opportunity with the colors and shoe choices!

Every night when I go to bed, I go into your room to clear away your piles of books and stuffed animals and to pull your covers up over your tiny body. I pat your head and give you a kiss and breathe you in. I walk back down the hallway, turning off the light, feeling that same feeling inside that I felt three years ago. Except this time I am awash in the feeling of complete, inexplicable, unconditional love, a love I never knew existed. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama, precious girl.

Happy 9 Month Birthday, Theo

Hello My Love,
Today you are 9 months old. I can hardly believe that you've been in this world almost as long as you were inside my belly.



One of this month's highlights includes you 'crawling.'



You are sporting two more teeth, this time top ones to match your bottom ones. You are also finally sleeping through the night and last week you 'swam' in a pool for the first time. You loved it!

You are growing and changing every day. Your daddy, sister, and I are so lucky to be on this journey with you. Thank you for choosing us to be your family. I love you.

Stay special,
Mama

Happy 8 Month Birthday, Theo

Hello Baby Boy

Today you are 8 months old. You are doing lots and lots of stuff now. You are so, so, so close to crawling. You get up on all fours and rock back and forth furiously. You've been doing this for a while now so when the crawling commences there will be many cheers. You just need to master putting one hand in front of the other.

You are still eating everything in sight. I just mush up whatever we're eating for dinner and give that to you. I am hoping you'll maintain this appetite for any and all foods as you get older.

Lately you've discovered the remote control. When Daddy brings you into our bed to feed you(yes, you're still waking up once a night!) he has to hide the remote control or you will spend the entire time reaching for it. Like father like son.

You're finding your voice. Your signature growls make us laugh every time. You also love to be held and cuddled (much more than your sister ever did.) You purr with satisfaction when we shower you with kisses. You are a lovable little fellow.

Your eyes are starting to turn the color of Daddy's. The blue is fading but the sparkle is still there! And those eyelashes are unreal. That's the first thing strangers always comment on.

Yesterday I gave you your first haircut. Your Justin Bieber was getting in your eyes so we trimmed you up. You look very mature now.

Earlier this week we celebrated your first Valentine's Day. Thanks for filling my heart to the brim with love and gratitude!

Happy 7 Month Birthday

Happy 7 month birthday, Theo Philip.

This past month has been a big month for you, Theo. We celebrated your first Christmas. You sprouted your first 2 teeth on New Year's Day. You are eating us out of house and home with your solids. Your bottle intake on the other hand leaves a lot to be desired. You are a complete mess every time you eat. This messy eating annoys your sister to no end. We keep reminding her that you are still learning to eat but she is often along side you wiping your face as we go (or you hands, or your hair, or your seat, or wherever else you've managed to spread your mushed up food.)

You went on your first train ride this past month. On New Year's Eve we went to Chinatown for lunch and rode the train back to Auntie's. You were very calm the entire ride, snuggled into Mama's Moby Wrap.

You've almost mastered the crawl. You hoist yourself up on all fours, rock back and forth, and then plunge face first into the unknown. You just need to master the hand and leg movement at the same time. Perhaps you'll be a knee walker like your sister?

In the mornings, as soon as you hear Beatrice run by your room on the way to mama and daddy's room, you pipe up. You cannot handle being the last one up or missing any of the action (like your mommy.) One of my favorite times of the day is laying in bed with you and your sister and daddy watching cartoons. You have a pretty good attention span for a 7 month old.

You are closer to a year now than you are to a newborn. Time is really going quickly. I am doing my best to soak in every moment as I know my baby will soon be my toddler.

I love you to the moon, baby boy.

Happy 6 Month Birthday, Baby Boy Chase

My Precious Theo,

Sorry mama is one day late on your birthday post. Christmas is just around the corner and life is very hectic. I think you are used to things being a little chaotic. You tend to roll with the punches pretty well. Considering we moved only 6 weeks after you were born, you are used to all of this madness!

So these last 6 months have flown by. You are getting bigger and bigger. You are eating solid food. So far you've liked everything that's passed your spoon (green beans, carrots, yams, sweet potatoes, avocado, applesauce, bananas, kiwis.) MAybe we'll try brussel sprouts tonight.

You are sitting up now too. A couple of weeks ago we were all hanging out watching cartoons and I said to Daddy, "I think he's supposed to be sitting up soon." Then Daddy turned to you and sat you up and lo and behold, you stayed upright. Who knows how long you've had this trick up your sleeve.

You are also growling now which is very funny, er I guess scary. I think that's your intended effect. Or maybe you're trying to sound like a pirate?

Each morning when I get you from your crib, you are all smiles. Your legs are kicking and you are chomping at the bit to start your day. You can't wait to drink up all the day has to offer. I hope you never lose that enthusiasm.

Some mornings you sleep later than your sister. On those mornings, she asks over and over again "my brudder (brother) waking up yet?" She waits and waits for you to awake then bursts into your room and climbs into your crib. She kisses you a million times and as I watch this I a,m again reminded of how blessed I am.

When you were in my belly, I often imagined what life would be like as a family of four. I could never have imagined the love I'd feel for you. It's entirely the same as the love I have for your sister yet entirely different.

About a week after you were born, Beatrice insisted I sing her a song at bedtime. After our 5th rendition of "Wheels on the Bus" I made up a little ditty. She's had me sing it almost every night since.
I love my Beatrice, she's such a good girl

I love my Beatrice, she's the best girl in the world

I love my Theo, he's such a good boy
I love my Theo, he brings me such joy

I love your Daddy, he's such a good man

I love your Daddy, he's the best Daddy in the land

You truly are my joy in life. Thank you for choosing me to be your mama. I love you.

I Suck

I am still alive. Sorry that posting has been so light. Life is kind of kicking my ass lately. In total slacker form, I will provide a bulleted list of what's been doin' here.

• I joined the Biggest Loser at my gym. My trainer is kind of like Jillian Michaels but she does stop just shy of standing on top of us while we squat. It's time consuming to work out and pay attention and track what you eat. Let's hope it pays off. Luckily I am damn competitive so I haven't really been cheating. Granted it's only been a week and a half.


• Theo is constipated and cranky. TMI, sorry. This is in direct correlation to the above bullet point. Boy needs his trans fats.


• I stupidly attempted underwear, no Pull-Ups to bed for Beatrice last night. Well, my hands were kind of tied. I realized we were out of Pull-Ups just before bed time. I woke her up to use the bathroom about every 2 hours but she still managed to wet the bed twice! That girl wet the bed like a college frat boy after initiation night. I can't emphasize enough how much I hate changing beds. Doing it at 2am only added to my disdain. I think I'll be buying some Pull-Ups today. I can't handle another reason to wake up during the night. Any mamas out there with some tips? I'm too tired to research online.


• I hate The Situation. Enough said.


• I sorta love Vinny and his boo that is way out of his league. It's precious how he is the girl's 'dating down' experiment.


• I don't usually like online 'group discount' sites. Except for this one: Buywithme.com. They have ridiculous deals every day. My sister, god bless her heart, has instituted a date night for us once a month. Getting deals through this site makes it affordable and it encourages us to try new things. Like next Friday we're going to the S. End for half price haircuts. We also got a great Pilates deal so that will be our November date. I'll send you an invite to join, if you want. Just leave me a comment or email me.

Have a great weekend. I will get back to regular posting soon enough.

Why Parents Hate Parenting

I came across this interesting article from New York magazine, All Joy and No Fun: Why Parents Hate Parenting. It definitely resonates on those tough days where you feel like trading in all the diapers, spit up, tantrums, and baby/toddler wrangling for a glass of wine and a movie. Many points in the article hold true for me. Unfrotunately I am not a "roses and sunshine, every day with my kids is a blessing" mother. Sometimes I wish I was more like that but when I read that article I felt justified in not feeling that way all the time. Data proves that parents have a rough go of it.

After reading the article, I reflected on the moments where I wouldn't trade anything for a life with kids. Like last night when Beatrice was watching cartoons while Theo laid next to her. She didn't know that I was watching them from the bathroom. She leaned over close to his face and smooched him. And he smiled ever so brightly. It was such a sweet and unprompted gesture. It made me realize why we signed on for this crazy life.

Today

Today is one of those days where you wake up anxious and can't seem to shake it. Obviously I know that my anxiety has to do with returning to work on Tuesday and going out of town this weekend for a wedding without the kids. There's a lot of work involved in getting away for 48 hours. Between the packing, grooming, and logistical details, I am exhausted.

I know that my return to work will be bittersweet. I am definitely feeling conflicted about it. I want to go back to work, yet I don't. I feel like I accomplished a lot while on maternity leave, yet I feel there's still more to do. I feel like I bonded with Theo yet I feel like I still need to get to know him. I feel like I managed things well yet I feel like I sometimes failed. That's the thing about motherhood that you can't know until you experience it... every milestone has at least 2 opposing emotions attached to it.

A funny thing happened this morning as this maternity leave is winding down. Last night was not our best night here. Theo woke up at 1 (which is unusual) then again at 5:30 to eat. Beatrice woke up at 4:30 demanding that I lay with her for 'just a little minute.' So I laid with her for an hour then dragged my tired self to Theo's room to feed him. Then just as my head was about to hit the pillow, she woke up for the day. So I've basically been awake since 4:30. Cory took Beatrice to Miss Maria's this morning. After they left I took Theo up to my bed to feed him. After he ate, he fell immediately asleep so for only the 2nd time in these past 3 months, I snuggled up next to him and passed out too. A couple of hours later we both woke up and headed downstairs. While in the kitchen I noticed Cory had left his wallet on the table so I called him to let him know.
Me: "Hey Cor, you left your wallet here."
Cory: "I know."
Me: "OK."
Cory: "I'm upstairs in the office. "
Me: "What?! You're here?"
Cory: "I came home while you guys were napping. It's good to see what goes on here while I'm at work."

Busted.

Makin' Memories

Lately when Beatrice doesn't want to do something (like take a nap or clear her plate after a meal) she'll say "I can't mama, I sick." To which I reply "You're sick? What hurts?" Sometimes she'll feign that its her head or her belly or her knee. By the end of a week we've usually gone through every body part. A couple of days ago, just before nap time we had the following conversation:
Bea: "Mama, I no take nap, I sick. My penis hurts."
Me: "Honey, you don't have a penis."
Bea: "Oh ya, sorry. My peanut hurts."

She had another good one this past weekend. We went into Boston on Sunday. We walked all around the Greenway, had a picnic, went on a carousel, went to 2 huge parks, played in 2 sprinkler pads, and ate lots of goodies. It was a great day for all. On the ride home, I asked Bea what her favorite part of the day was. Her first response was "nuppin (nothing.)" After some prodding she replied, "I fall and hurt myselp (she still doesn't have a handle of the 'f' sound) because I was bein' sassy." That's what she's going to remember from our day in the city... the last part where she tried to run away from us in the Boston Common and fell and skinned her knee. Just makin' memories here.

Some Days You Just Come Up Short

I've had quite a few nights lately when I'm laying in bed thinking about the day's events and I feel like I've failed. I know everyone says that being a mother is the toughest job on earth. That may be the understatement of the year. God damn, this is really hard.

These past couple of weeks, I feel like I'm just coming up short. I lose my patience too easily and I spend much of the day longing for the times when the kids will be napping. Then I feel guilty because this is the only extended period of time that I'll get to spend with my kids until I retire and by then they won't be babies. I hate to wish this phase away for them just because I am tired, impatient, stressed, distracted, hungry, and grumpy. I hate feeling like I'm not being the best mother I can be. I guess that comes along with the stretch marks.

Trust me when I say that this isn't one of those posts where I'm looking for people to tell me, "You are doing a great job. You're a great mom." I just needed to write this to get this off my chest and to come to terms with these feelings. Luckily I have a group of moms and women around me that are honest and forthcoming with their feelings so I know that I am not alone. But when its the end of the night and Beatrice is screaming for me because she's totally overtired and Theo is screaming because he's overdue to be fed and Cory's doing his best after a 10 hour day at work, I feel alone. And overwhelmed.

I know that this is a particularly tough time. Having a 2 1/2 year old and a newborn is probably one of the toughest time periods in child development (Right!?! Please tell me I'm right in assuming this will be one of the hardest phases for parenting.)

Enough purging for now. I need to finish packing. We are headed to Maine with the family for some much needed time away. I think the fresh air will be good for all of us.

And I head back to therapy next week. That too is much needed!

Mila's Daydreams

This blog made me throw up in my mouth with its cuteness. You know I'm already thinking about how to torture Theo into one of these scenes.

(Thanks for the link, Cara!)

Happy 3 Week Birthday, Theo (One Day Late)

You look a little like an Ewok here

My handsome boy, you have started to get a little pep in your step. While you are still sleeping a lot, you tend to have longer waking moments during the day and at night. I've even been able to take some pictures of you with your eyes open.

You are a big eater, wanting to be fed every couple hours. That gives us a lot of time together... a LOT of time together.

You've been really patient with your sister. She is quite interested in you, thinking you are her very own little doll. I think your first words will be "Beatrice, leave your brother alone." Just when I start to lose my patience with her, she does something like she did this morning. Before heading off to Miss Maria's, she came over to you and kissed you tenderly on your forehead and whispered in your ear "I wub you too much." I melted into a puddle.

I love you little boy and I am really enjoying getting to know you.