A Jarring Question

As has been documented on this site, I once had a bit of an obsession with peanut butter. I am happy to report that I am cured of this vice. In fact, I made a sandwich for Beatrice yesterday and did not even lick the knife before putting it into the dishwasher. The stuff actually gives me heartburn now.

I have traded one vice for another though... I now covet and consume the almond butter. If you follow Paleo, you might think this substitution a healthy one. And in all honesty, I couldn't sit and eat 1/2 a jar of almond butter like I would its ugly step-sister, peanut butter.

But I digress. I actually have a question for you. How do you get the label off of a jar so that you can re-use the jar? I go through about a jar a week of Trader Joe's Raw Almond Butter. The jars are the perfect size for leftover soup or for storing things in the pantry but no matter how many times I put them through the dishwasher, the ugly tattered label remains. You also know of my sick obsession with containers and bags. I can't just throw a perfectly good glass container into the recycling bin. Please advise.

Neither Here Nor There

This is a random smattering of what's going on in my head right now. In true lazy blogger form, I present to you my bulleted list.

• Why oh why does Kyle Richards of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills think its OK to wear those god damn hair clips with her hair half up? (After scouring the Internet for 20 minutes I have given up my search for a photo if her with this heinous look.) You all know the hair clip of which I speak... the one you throw in your hair as you run out the door to do errands or you use to to keep your hair out of your face while you brush your teeth. I'll even allow you the smaller version but c'mon girl, lose the big ass clip.

• There are some CrossFit exercises that scare the shit out of me, such as the Rope Climb and Handstand Push Up. I can't even imagine my body being able to do those things. I am genetically predisposed to squatting and lifting heavy things. My people were a working in fields not climbing trees and shit. I can bang out a mean weighted squat but this getting my body off the ground....not so much. Once I get through the Foundations course, I am going to set some realistic CrossFit goals.


• Eating clean (er) has been going OK. I totally had full body reactions to cutting out the sugar and carbs (lethargy, headaches, irritability... similar to the DTs.) The carbs I can handle. I am not a big at-home pasta and bread eater but the sugar, I like me some sugar. I cheated on Saturday night with wine and pizza, chips, and cookies and I felt like shit the next day. I know that I will never be so strict that I keep to this way of life 100%. I am just hoping to learn how to treat special occasions as such and not think I deserve a food treat on a random Tuesday night. Or better yet not treat food like a treat but find other 'rewards' instead. I like the saying "Don't treat yourself with food. You are not a dog."


• Beatrice has been going to bed without a Pull-Up for the last 3 nights. I know we waited way long on this. She's been potty trained for over a year and a half but every morning she would wake up with a drenched Pull-Up. Recently she decided that she was a big girl and would no longer rock the Pull-Ups. I was hesitant to support this idea because of my hatred for changing beds. I don't know why I hate that task so much but it angers me but so far no sheets have been soiled in this experiment. She wakes up every night around 2 or 3 for a pee break. There is something so adorable about her little feet going pitter patter down the hallway in the we hours of the morning. She grins ear to ear when she comes into our room chanting, "Dry undies" (and she does this while grabbing her crotch in such a charming way.) She is so dang proud of herself (as am I). I heard her playing with Theo yesterday and he made one of his 3 man grunt noises "Ma" which she construed as him calling her "Mama." She replied "OK, Theo, you can call me Mama. I wear underpants to bed now." I wish I knew 4 years ago that all it took to earn Mama status was toss on a pair of knickers.


• We started watching the first season of Downton Abbey last night. Actually Cory fell asleep about 20 minutes into it but I hung in there. It's not going to be for everyone but I'm enjoying it thus far. Gawker has been doing pieces about it for a while if you want a primer. And I will have you know that every time I read a writeup of the show, I thought to myself, "I need to check out this Downtown Abbey show everyone is talking about." Yup, been reading it as DOWNTOWN for months. I'd like to tell you that I noticed my mistake as the opening credits were rolling but I'd be lying. It wasn't until the third or fourth time a character said the word, Dowton, that I caught on. Maybe that is a sign that I'm too dumb to watch PBS.

Bling

I love my engagement ring. But hot damn, if I did it all over again...
Found on Pinterest. I warn you that once you start with that site, you will soon begin abusing it. You will need a Pintervention.

Brimfield Antiques Fair

I was cleaning out my blog Drafts folder and found this one about the Brimfield Antiques Fair Cory and I went to back in May. It is a little piece of heaven on Earth. I love other people's castoffs. I can't wait until it comes back to town. I have a list as long as my arm of stuff I want to find.

We knew it was going to be a great day, when driving into town we spotted this guy. Yup, he's totally riding his mom's handiscooter.



Here are some of the items we purchased.

Knock, Knock, Who's There?

The other day, I was working from home and heard an odd sound coming from my bedroom. I quickly grabbed my phone to take this video.



Besides my manly, irritating voice, can you hear the thump, thump, thump coming from inside the wall?

And then if I wasn't freaked out enough, while running at the gym later that morning, I popped on this week's This American Life Podcast.
Fast forward to Act Two: Oh the Places We'll Go (30:05) or if you are pressed for time go straight to the clincher at the end (34:40.)Aghhhghhhghhg!

I think we'll be relocating to the guest room until further notice.

Chelsea Come Lately

See how I did that little pun with the post title. Could it be that I am getting my blog mojo back?

So I know I am late to the game, but I just discovered the literature of a Miss Chelsea Handler.

Before I left for vacation, my gym partner, Sue, lent me all of her books. (See list to the right for links.) The night before we left, Cory and I were packing our suitcases, trying our best to stay under the checked baggage weight limit. We started moving things out of the suitcase into his backpack. I had 5 hard cover books to bring but was quickly rationed down to 2. Cory chastised me endlessly for wanting to bring Chelsea Handler books. Because he's so high-brow you know. He doesn't have a literary leg to stand on considering he just added these nuggets to our bookshelf:



Day 3 of vacation, I had plowed through my allotted 2 texts. I refused to hit up the romance novels at the villa, so I was left bookless. Every day or so I would whimper, "Sure wish I had a Chelsea Handler book to read right now."

When we got home, I made quick work of the collection on my bedstand. She is damn funny, albeit slightly annoying and crass. The crass part doesn't bother me one bit, in fact it draws me closer to her.

I recently discovered that she has a blog. The jury's out on if she actually writes it though. Now that I am a Chelsea Handler aficionado I tend to think not. The tone is slightly different in the blog, kind of someone (an assistant or intern?) trying to write like Chelsea Handler.


I've actually never seen her TV show, Chelsea Lately. Is it funny?

Random Musings

We're back from vacation. It was fantastic. A longer vacation re-cap is coming. For now, I am just trying to make it to the weekend so that I can go to bed early and catch up on my sleep. My kids didn't get the memo that you are supposed to sleep later and more frequently on vacation. We also came home to a newly painted house (yay!) so we have to get everything back in order. Pictures of that to come soon too.

Just some random nonsense now.

This article from Mindy Kaling is damn funny. I love her. And I love the New Yorker. I need to add a subscription to my Christmas wish list. It's never too early to start that list.

I read Tina Fey's Bossypants on vacation. You should get it. It was really good. How's that for a descriptive endorsement.

Cory and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary last week. I am one lucky lady. Our trip to St. John was our gift to eachother. I just looked up the traditional gift for 6 years (yes, I'm cheesy like that) and it is sugar. How apropos as St. John was once a Dutch sugar colony. The island is filled with ruins from the sugar mills. But really the best gift he's ever given me are these treasures.



On vacation Beatrice came up with a new thing. Every time you'd wear something she liked, she'd say "Mama, can you save that for me?" or "Auntie, can you save that for me?" Man, I love the stage she's in right now. It warms my heart to think that she finds my style 'cool.' I hope that doesn't change for at least another 5 years.

Theo started day care today. (We're sending him 2 days a week with Beatrice to her in-home daycare.) I left the house to head into work, totally forgetting today was the day we started this new schedule. Cory texted me, asking where the nanny was. Oops... today was the day to get both the kids out the door to day care. I didn't even give my littlest one some extra lovins' and a pep talk before I left the house. I am sucking at this mother of 2 thing.

I started reading the Junie B. Jones series with Beatrice. This is the first line I read aloud:
I'm Junie B. Jones! The B stands for Beatrice, only I do not like Beatrice. I just like B.
Beatrice gasped in horror. I probably should have screened that line before reading it verbatim. Damn, Junie, that's some f-ed up stuff.

I Feel the Earth Move

I can cross this off my bucket list: Survive an Earthquake.

A 5.9'er no less. I thought at first it was just my stomach rumbling. Then I thought it was building construction. Then I went into my hallway at work to look around and confirm I wasn't imagining it. Then I stood in my doorway. I am such a scaredy cat. I really need to work on my natural disaster planning.

Guess Who's Back... Back again...

I have been so bad with the blogging, I know, I know. Maybe when the colder weather comes back my writer's block will subside. Today, I do have some random musings to share.

This morning I dropped Beatrice off at daycare and our beloved childcare provider pulled me aside to ask me something 'personal.' (Those are the most dreaded words any parent wants to hear.) I think she saw the look of terror on my face and quickly assured me "No, well its not personal like that." But I took that with a grain of salt because we have what you would call a relationship with murky boundaries. She, like me, is Portuguese. And with that comes an unspoken code. We've discussed the following topics just in the last week:
1) My weight. Down to the pound. Yup, she asked for numbers.
2) Cultural affections. She has some firm beliefs on which cultures hug and which don't. There are many assumptions you can make about a culture that doesn't hug. So she tells me...
3) Her reproductive organs. All of them. Which ones were removed and when and how.
4) My reproductive organs. Will I need remove them and when and how.

So anyways, she proceeds to tell me that for the past couple of weeks Beatrice has been talking about her grandmother who only has one leg. Now our provider has met both grandmothers and has noted that they both stand atop 2 healthy legs. I immediately bust out laughing because yes, Beatrice does in fact have a grandmother, though she is technically a great-grandmother, with only one leg. Turns out that Beatrice and her gaggle of little girls have been pretending that they only have one leg. They pretend they are in wheelchairs and they take turns being the one with one leg. I need to get that on video. And because I am a sicko I am most definitely going to teach her that trick where you sit with one leg under your butt and the other hanging down so it looks like you really only have one leg. She's going to blow the minds of her little playmates.

In other news, Theo is walking. I have yet to capture it on video or film because he is still kind of sporadic about it, generally preferring to crawl because he can move more quickly that way. He does this fantastic "come to Jesus" thing where he throws his arms up in the air and looks to the heavens while he ambles forward like a drunken sailor.

While I haven't been doing any blog writing lately, I've been doing some blog stalking. You need to be reading this blog now: Mandajuice. Take a look back through the archives. Its a soap opera just without Cruz or Eden. (Ten points for you if you got my Santa Barbara reference.)

Disturbia

This is by far the most horrifying car crash story I've ever read. I can't keep it to myself. Join me in my horror.

And if you weren't disgusted enough, read this article from my lovely home state. I need more information on this story. This cannot be true!

Now for a little pick-me-up:

Somethins' Amiss

UPDATE: The lost post re-appeared below. Yay.

Something weird is going on with this here blog. I posted something yesterday and its not showing up. And my other posts are showing up all spacey. Shite.
Well I am short on time right now. I had a busy week with a trip to the Brimfield Antique Fair and a 2 day work meeting. More to come next week on those events.
I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

Hello There

Posting has been light this week. It's been a crazy week. Tuesday Cory and I went to the Brimfield Fair (more to come on that next week), then Wednesday and today I was in all day meetings. Lots of team building and brainstorming and catered lunches. The best part of the meeting was when the head of marketing announced that we will be launching a new product and will be creating an intense ad campaign that will include a viral video by the producer of this video. I can't wait to see what they come up with.

Bird Bombs

I think this is going to require a power-washer.

Every time I see bird shit I am reminded of a Cape Cod summer many years ago. Cory and I were at Nauset Beach at Liam's Snack Shack. Cory was waiting in line while I waited by the tables. I was basking in the gorgeous Cape air, when all of a sudden I felt a splat! It was obviously bird shit streaming down the center of my back. I quickly asked the kid at the table next to me for a napkin. He was about 8 or 9 sitting by himself, holding the table while his family ordered their food. I did my best contortionist moves to try and wipe the bird shit off but I only succeeded in smearing it around more. And for reasons I still cannot fathom, I walked over to the little kid's table and asked him to wipe the shit off my back. Just as he was finishing up (it required multiple napkins) his mom walked up. Have I mentioned that I was in my bikini (why didn't I toss on a cover-up to hit the snack shack), definitely glistening with sweat and gobs of non-SPF Banana Boat tanning oil. Awkward.

Ah To Be A Princess

I am totally eating up all of this Royal Wedding stuff. Congratulations to the Prince and Princess. I loved every last detail, but mostly all the hats. We don't wear nearly enough hats in this country. I need to have a Kentucky Derby party or go to a Baptist Sunday service to get my hat fix.

Post, Post, Post

Hey there, sorry posting was so light this week. I need some blog fodder. Here's to hoping this weekend is filled with drunken revelry, gourmet meals, and a quick beach getaway. Oh wait, a quick look at my calendar indicates that this weekend is filled with swim lessons, bread making, and a play date. Don't worry, I'll take copious notes.

Ashes to Ashes

My brother's hijinks have been well documented on this blog. For all of his flaws (he's got a few but who doesn't) he's worth his weight in gold for his storytelling skills. Someone really has to write a book or sitcom about this guy.

The other night he told us about this new tattoo he's getting. A little background first: over the summer, he spent some time in California staying with an old friend. About a month after he returned home, this friend died in a motorcycle accident. To memorialize him, my brother is getting a tattoo. (For the record, my brother is a very respectful young man. He was sure to get clear this by his friend's family and to talk directly to his mom to make sure she was comfortable with this.)

So evidently there's this tattoo technique where you can put cremation ashes (trace amounts) into the ink. I've never heard of this but admitedly my time in tattoo parlors is limited. I am not really into tattoos (shocker!) although I think this is actually quite nice.

My brother told us about the process of going to get the ashes from his friend's family. Highlights include how to open the container holding the ashes (trying to avoid the whole 'poof' situation), where to put his small portion of the ashes (a Ziploc bag just doesn't seem appropriate), and finally the best comment from his deceased friends' brother on the whole tattooing/ashes thing: "Bet you never thought you'd have a black man in you." Only my brother...

New Look

Spring has sprung here on ChitterChitter. It was time for a refreshed look. What do you think?

First Day of Spring

Yesterday was the official start to Spring. This is what it looked like out my window. There was actual snow falling. No birds chirping, brooks babbling. Nope, just more yucky wet snow.

Mother Nature you are c-you-next-tuesday. We have not been getting along lately.

Dog Days

My brothers were over last night and we somehow got on the topic of "if you were a dog, what breed would you be?"

We all agreed that Cory would be a greyhound.


















My brother, Andres, decided he would be a chow.














Beatrice would be a poodle.




















Theo would be a terrier.

















I couldn't really think of what I'd be... maybe a Portuguese Water Dog?
















What kind of dog would you be?

Breaking News- Justin Bieber Has Cut His Hair

Say it ain't so. Looks like I'm going to have to cut Theo's hair now.

On a related note, if you ask Beatrice if she has "Bieber fever" she gets violently angry and screams "I no hab Bieber feeber." It's pretty funny.