Girls

Last night I caught up on my Sunday night HBO. Eastbound and Down. Killer season. How I will miss thee this off-season.

I also watched the new show, Girls. It's about broke twentysomethings trying to make their way in New York. It's written, directed, and starred in by Lena Dunham (Tiny Furniture) and produced by Judd Apatow. Picture Sex & the City but with awkward, normal-er people. This one will definitely stay on my Sunday night DVD lineup.

Mini-Meatball

This is so NOT a good idea.

P.S. You know I've been on the edge of my seat for confirmation of this week-long rumor. I wish I was kidding.

Dry Bar

I love this idea!

I love getting my hair blown out. (I'm a regular Pauly D.) In fact, this past year I started a new tradition where I take a break from getting things ready for our Christmas Eve party to our local salon for a quick blowout. It's so nice get that little pampering break.

This place has taken it to new heights. Head north, Dry Bar, head north!!

Digits

Did anyone catch this week's Teen Mom 2. My favorite part had to be when Janelle kept berating Kieffer, repeating "Tell me who has the 508 number." Cory and I died laughing because that's our area code. Is Kieffer having a lil sumpin sumpin on the side with a MassHole?

When reading a recap of this episode on Huffington Post, there was an awesome footnote: ** A quick Wikipedia search tells us that people with that area codes are from parts of Massachusetts, including Cape Cod and the Islands. The post doesn't mention if said girls are slutty.

In other Teen Mom news: Wow.

'Shit Girls Say'

Pretty f'ing funny.



Although this one made me laugh harder.

Neither Here Nor There

This is a random smattering of what's going on in my head right now. In true lazy blogger form, I present to you my bulleted list.

• Why oh why does Kyle Richards of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills think its OK to wear those god damn hair clips with her hair half up? (After scouring the Internet for 20 minutes I have given up my search for a photo if her with this heinous look.) You all know the hair clip of which I speak... the one you throw in your hair as you run out the door to do errands or you use to to keep your hair out of your face while you brush your teeth. I'll even allow you the smaller version but c'mon girl, lose the big ass clip.

• There are some CrossFit exercises that scare the shit out of me, such as the Rope Climb and Handstand Push Up. I can't even imagine my body being able to do those things. I am genetically predisposed to squatting and lifting heavy things. My people were a working in fields not climbing trees and shit. I can bang out a mean weighted squat but this getting my body off the ground....not so much. Once I get through the Foundations course, I am going to set some realistic CrossFit goals.


• Eating clean (er) has been going OK. I totally had full body reactions to cutting out the sugar and carbs (lethargy, headaches, irritability... similar to the DTs.) The carbs I can handle. I am not a big at-home pasta and bread eater but the sugar, I like me some sugar. I cheated on Saturday night with wine and pizza, chips, and cookies and I felt like shit the next day. I know that I will never be so strict that I keep to this way of life 100%. I am just hoping to learn how to treat special occasions as such and not think I deserve a food treat on a random Tuesday night. Or better yet not treat food like a treat but find other 'rewards' instead. I like the saying "Don't treat yourself with food. You are not a dog."


• Beatrice has been going to bed without a Pull-Up for the last 3 nights. I know we waited way long on this. She's been potty trained for over a year and a half but every morning she would wake up with a drenched Pull-Up. Recently she decided that she was a big girl and would no longer rock the Pull-Ups. I was hesitant to support this idea because of my hatred for changing beds. I don't know why I hate that task so much but it angers me but so far no sheets have been soiled in this experiment. She wakes up every night around 2 or 3 for a pee break. There is something so adorable about her little feet going pitter patter down the hallway in the we hours of the morning. She grins ear to ear when she comes into our room chanting, "Dry undies" (and she does this while grabbing her crotch in such a charming way.) She is so dang proud of herself (as am I). I heard her playing with Theo yesterday and he made one of his 3 man grunt noises "Ma" which she construed as him calling her "Mama." She replied "OK, Theo, you can call me Mama. I wear underpants to bed now." I wish I knew 4 years ago that all it took to earn Mama status was toss on a pair of knickers.


• We started watching the first season of Downton Abbey last night. Actually Cory fell asleep about 20 minutes into it but I hung in there. It's not going to be for everyone but I'm enjoying it thus far. Gawker has been doing pieces about it for a while if you want a primer. And I will have you know that every time I read a writeup of the show, I thought to myself, "I need to check out this Downtown Abbey show everyone is talking about." Yup, been reading it as DOWNTOWN for months. I'd like to tell you that I noticed my mistake as the opening credits were rolling but I'd be lying. It wasn't until the third or fourth time a character said the word, Dowton, that I caught on. Maybe that is a sign that I'm too dumb to watch PBS.

Laugh It Up!

I did the ugly laugh while watching this. Is there anyone funnier than this chick from Bridesmaids?

Chelsea Come Lately

See how I did that little pun with the post title. Could it be that I am getting my blog mojo back?

So I know I am late to the game, but I just discovered the literature of a Miss Chelsea Handler.

Before I left for vacation, my gym partner, Sue, lent me all of her books. (See list to the right for links.) The night before we left, Cory and I were packing our suitcases, trying our best to stay under the checked baggage weight limit. We started moving things out of the suitcase into his backpack. I had 5 hard cover books to bring but was quickly rationed down to 2. Cory chastised me endlessly for wanting to bring Chelsea Handler books. Because he's so high-brow you know. He doesn't have a literary leg to stand on considering he just added these nuggets to our bookshelf:



Day 3 of vacation, I had plowed through my allotted 2 texts. I refused to hit up the romance novels at the villa, so I was left bookless. Every day or so I would whimper, "Sure wish I had a Chelsea Handler book to read right now."

When we got home, I made quick work of the collection on my bedstand. She is damn funny, albeit slightly annoying and crass. The crass part doesn't bother me one bit, in fact it draws me closer to her.

I recently discovered that she has a blog. The jury's out on if she actually writes it though. Now that I am a Chelsea Handler aficionado I tend to think not. The tone is slightly different in the blog, kind of someone (an assistant or intern?) trying to write like Chelsea Handler.


I've actually never seen her TV show, Chelsea Lately. Is it funny?

Looks Like Fatty Did OK

I did not stay up for this weekend's Saturday Night Live. It's on past my bed time and is generally not funny.

But here is a clip of this week's host, Zach Galfinakis' opening monologue. It does start off slow but gets funny at about one and a half minutes.

See You Later, Arkansas

I am aware that we live in a very liberal part of the U.S. of A. Just last weekend, while on my January's sister's date, I was pleasantly reminded of this. Sidebar: This month we got a deal on buywithme.com to get our makeup done at A Matter of Face in the North End. I can't say enough fantastic things about the place. It was so much fun. And because my sister is the best, she added in a mystery appointment before hand to get our hair washed and blown out. What a wonderful day of pampering.

So where was I, oh yes, the affirmation of our region's liberal mindset. So the topic of Oprah's upcoming "big reveal" came up. We were all conjecturing as to what news she was going to share. The usuals came up-- her and Stedman are married, she has a living child, she's gay, etc. I probably should mention who was involved in the conversation. So it was me, my sister, Paula (the makeup artist), her employee Bridget (a 45ish North End resident), and a local older Italian woman who came in to chit chat. Regarding the last point, the ladies didn't think that Oprah would reveal she was gay because it wouldn't be shocking enough. They wondered what was the big deal if Oprah was gay. They pointed out that in this day and age this shouldn't be a secret. Firstly, that warmed my heart to hear these women say that. They were of a different generation and definitely raised in a more traditional manner. But then I reminded them that we live in quite a liberal, open minded (to some degree) area. The coasts are not the South or Middle America.

I'll step off my soap box in a minute but not before I share this gem with you. Seriously, some parts of this country should be annexed. I, for one, won't miss them.

UPDATE: Harps has removed the 'family shield.' Their statement can be found here.

MTV's No Easy Decision

We've discussed Teen Mom here before. MTV aired a special last night called No Easy Decision. I think it was a really well-balanced perspective on abortion. It at least showed another option.

Celebrity Rehab

Have you been watching Celebrity Rehab 4? I caught the first episode last night. Janice Dickinson is batshit, Leif Garrett wears manscara and manliner and looks like a wannabe Brett Michaels, Julia Robert's brother is addicted to pot (dude, really?!?), one of the London twins from Party of Five maybe faked getting kidnapped and forced to do drugs, the rich guy who is famous for being rich is a dick, the Tiger Woods slut wants to change her image, and the drunk, racist guy who thinks he's famous for dating Lauren Conrad from Laguna Beach and The Hills. Then there's a crackhead/former prostitute/former felon that's being billed as Keisha Cole's mother. I am too lazy to google Keisha Cole. Should I know who that is?

I definitely see a "series recording" in my DVR's future.

One final thought: Dr. Drew Pinsky, why on earth do you 'care' about these people?

Stuck in the Middle with You

My mom says that Theo looks like Brick from ABC's The Middle. I can see the resemblance. I've never really watched that show. Why is he named Brick?

You know the conversation with my mother was far from straight forward. It went like this:

Mom: Theo looks like that kid in that program.

Me: Oh ya, that kid in that program.

Mom: You know, the kid in Malcolm in the Middle.

Me: I guess he looks like Malcolm.

Mom: No, not Malcolm, the younger one.

Me: Oh, I don't think he really looks like the little brother. That kid was blond.

Mom: Not Malcolm in the Middle, the show with the mother from Malcolm in the Middle.

Me: Oh, I don't know that show. Are you talking about the show with the dad from Malcolm in the Middle?

Mom: Maybe, who's the dad in Malcolm in the Middle?

Me: I don't know the actor's name but the show he's in is Breaking Bad. Are you talking about the son that's handicapped?

Mom: No, he's not handicapped. Well he's weird but it's not a handicap. Wait, it's not the mom from Malcolm in the Middle. It's the mom from that show with the funny guy whose mother is always butting in.

Me: Oh, the Raymond show. (Evidently this not being able to remember TV show names is genetic.)

Mom: Ya, that show.

Me: So not Malcolm in the Middle?

Mom: No, I never said Malcolm in the Middle.
Me: So the mother is from the Raymond show?

Mom: Ya.

Me: Are you talking about that show, The Middle?

Mom: Right, I said he looks like the little boy in The Middle.

Me: I think he looks like Don Louise.

Last Comic Dying

For my birthday in July, Cory got us tickets to see the Last Comic Standing tour in Boston tomorrow night. What are the chances that the main judge, Greg Giraldo, would die the day before we see the show:? RIP, Greg. You were damn funny on all those Comedy Central roasts.

Nothing like a recent death to add some humor to a comedy show.

Go Get 'Em, Ken

Cory's former colleague, Ken, is going to be on Wheel of Fortune this week. Awesome.

Speaking of Ken's, did you catch EastBound and Down last night? Something has been missing in my life for the last few months. At first I thought it was a second child so I went and had one...nope, still empty. As I watched the premiere episode of EastBound and Down, I finally felt at peace. You complete me Kenny Powers.

This Is Not What I Should Be Doing

I have a to-do list the length of my arm but I am procrastinating. I have yet to really embrace the whole back to work thing. So I shall blog instead. And in the interest of time, I will bullet list the shit of this post.

• I think I'm becoming a Gleek. I know I am about a year behind on this trend but I happened to catch a couple of episodes lately and it's cute. There, I said it. I don't care, judge me.
• Speaking of TV, I just caught an episode of American Pickers on the History Channel. It's right up my alley.
• Again speaking of TV, what is up with the new season of Kate+8? Why is Kate dressing like such a ho. I did see the cover of People had a story about her new body. It's a bit much to take your kids school shopping in a plunging halter top and hooker high heels. I know, green is not a good color on me.
• After reading the first wedding recap, I realize most of it had to do with debauchery and bodily fluids. Perhaps I should hit on the niceties of the weekend. The location- Camden, ME is beautiful. That whole area of Maine is gorgeous. We will definitely be back, next time with more time on our hands and less hangovers. And we'll definitely be stopping at all of the antiques shops and flea markets on the way. Oysters- One of the groomsman's family owns a commercial oyster fishery on the Cape. He brought a boatload of oysters for cocktail hour. Ironically, while in Wellfleet 2 summers ago, I kept trying to enjoy the raw oysters they are famous for but couldn't take a liking. This time around, I found the enjoyment that so many speak of. I think I ate a dozen. Then on our anniversary, Cory and I ate a dozen more. We can't be stopped.
• We went apple picking this past weekend. It was 75 and humid. Maybe next year we should plan for an actual Fall day. We were in the Macintosh apple section for a while (my mom likes those to make pies.) I am not a huge Mac fan so I didn't eat any. While we were waiting for the hay ride, I figured I should eat an apple... you know, when in Rome. I bit into a juicy, bright red Macintosh apple only to find a rotted out worm hole in it. Ick.
• Cory's grandmother is wheelchair bound. About 6 years ago she had to have her leg amputated after a horrible bike accident (bicycle not motorcycle). Lately Beatrice has been noticing that Nanny isn't built like the rest of us. A couple of weeks ago, she asked Nanny where her other sneaker was. Then last night she dove right in after our hello's- "Nanny, where's your other leg?" Nothing like getting right to the point.
• Yesterday I took a chance and brought the kids to Wal-Mart to make a return and grab a couple of things. I know, I have balls to attempt that at 4:30 or really any time of the day with 2 kids. While at customer service returning my item, I looked over at the entrance where there was a commotion. It was Shaquille O'Neil doing some last minute shopping before hitting Training Camp. People were pretty good about not totally mobbing him or going too crazy. Everyone except the Wal-Mart employee waiting on me. She shrieked, literally dropped my receipt, and ran out the door after him to get his picture. For real, just left me there at the counter. Gotta love Wal-mart. That wasn't the best part of the ordeal though. The best part was this conversation I had with a guy:
  Man: "That looks like Shaq."
  Me: "Yup, that's him."
  Man: "No, it don't make no sense. It ain't even basketball season and he don't even live up here."
  Me: "He got traded to the Celtics. They start camp soon."
  Man: "Really, he got traded!? No, that's not him."
  Me: "Ya, you're probably right."
  

I think that's all for now. Off to get some work done.

Brain Dump

I can't promise a non-rambling post today. Lots to do and lots swirling about in my head.

1. Please tell me you are watching this season of Teen Mom. If you aren't, DVR that shit right now. I have stored the following lines for future use (these are from my favorite half of TV's greatest pair, Amber and Gary): "I need some Gary Time" & "You just ruined my V-day." Oh Gary, you sloppy, dopey Teen Dad. Amber, on the other, having dropped a couple of lbs., is lookin' good (well for her anyways.)


2. You know you are sleep deprived and you watch too many cartoons when you start wishing you were more like Ruby from Nickelodeon's Max & Ruby. She's so patient with her impish little brother Max. She never raises her voice or says "wait until your father gets home. Speaking of which, where are Max and Ruby's mother and father?


3. This morning I put Theo in the center of my bed while I brushed my teeth. I put him on his back because when I put him on his belly, he can roll to his back and kind of scurry like a crab. When I came back in the room, Beatrice was up on the bed next to him and he was on his belly. I asked her if she rolled him to his belly and she said no. Has my 7 week old mastered the belly to back roll and the back to belly roll? I need to keep an eye on this mover and shaker.


4. I picked Beatrice up at Miss Maria's the other day. Miss Maria told me that she painted Bea's nails in the morning. Later on in the day when it was time to clean up, Beatrice told her that she couldn't clean up because her nails were drying. Chores in about 5 years should be fun in this house. Reminds me of my youngest brother who after dinner used to run to the bathroom and pretend to take a dump when it was his turn to clear the dishes. I think he could dump on command.


5. Why have I pretty much broken in to a full sweat when its only 9:30am and the air conditioning is on? I need to get on Amber's program.
   

Women, Food, and God

A couple of months ago I watched the Oprah interview of Geneen Roth, author of New York Times best seller, Women, Food, and God.

Here's the description from Amazon:
If you suffer about your relationship with food -- you eat too much or too little, think about what you will eat constantly or try not to think about it at all -- you can be free. Just look down at your plate. The answers are there. Don't run. Look. Because when we welcome what we most want to avoid, we contact the part of ourselves that is fresh and alive. We touch the life we truly want and evoke divinity itself.

Since adolescence, Geneen Roth has gained and lost more than a thousand pounds. She has been dangerously overweight and dangerously underweight. She has been plagued by feelings of shame and self-hatred and she has felt euphoric after losing a quick few pounds on a fad diet. Then one day, on the verge of suicide, she did something radical: She dropped the struggle, ended the war, stopped trying to fix, deprive and shame

And losing weight was only the beginning.

Time and energy are short these days but I definitely want to read this book as soon as I get back into the swing of things. I totally agree with Roth's take on food and weight/ body issues. I need to get to the root of this whole eating thing. Needless to say the breaking a habit in 21 days did not work and I often find myself eating for the wrong reasons. I'll let you know if I find any good take-aways in the book.

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye

World Cup, I will miss thee. I think I've watched about 95% of the games, including the one on the morning I delivered Theo. It's been a nice distraction while feeding the baby or wrangling the toddler.

This afternoon will be the last hurrah, the final game(Spain vs. Netherlands.) It should be a great game. I will shed a tear and pour a cold one out for the end of a great month of soccer.

When the winners hold their trophy up high, I may pull out my State Champs medal. Yes, yours truly was once a Cup winner, well at least in the State of Massachusetts.

P.S. I am currently tied for second in our pool. I don't think there's any way I can mathematically beat the front runner but I have beaten Cory (currently in 6th place) so that's all that matters. I am struggling over which team to pick as the winner. Spain or Netherlands, Spain or Netherlands, Spain or Netherlands...Heads or Tails? Spain's players are hotter. I'll use that methodology, though it did bite me in the ass with Portugal.

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That

A few of random things on my mind this morning...

• Our friend from high school works in LA doing production on reality shows. He's flying out this week to work on this show. Lucky MF-er. He's paid his dues in La-La land so he deserves it. He has definitely come a long way from his early days on this show.
• Spotted on MassPike last week: A slick Jaguar with the vanity plate, Shaguar. Total d-bag.
• Lost is nearing the series finale. Interesting blog post at Jezebel. I thought this week's episode did a good job of answering some questions.

That's all. Brain empty now.