I've had quite a few nights lately when I'm laying in bed thinking about the day's events and I feel like I've failed. I know everyone says that being a mother is the toughest job on earth. That may be the understatement of the year. God damn, this is really hard.
These past couple of weeks, I feel like I'm just coming up short. I lose my patience too easily and I spend much of the day longing for the times when the kids will be napping. Then I feel guilty because this is the only extended period of time that I'll get to spend with my kids until I retire and by then they won't be babies. I hate to wish this phase away for them just because I am tired, impatient, stressed, distracted, hungry, and grumpy. I hate feeling like I'm not being the best mother I can be. I guess that comes along with the stretch marks.
Trust me when I say that this isn't one of those posts where I'm looking for people to tell me, "You are doing a great job. You're a great mom." I just needed to write this to get this off my chest and to come to terms with these feelings. Luckily I have a group of moms and women around me that are honest and forthcoming with their feelings so I know that I am not alone. But when its the end of the night and Beatrice is screaming for me because she's totally overtired and Theo is screaming because he's overdue to be fed and Cory's doing his best after a 10 hour day at work, I feel alone. And overwhelmed.
I know that this is a particularly tough time. Having a 2 1/2 year old and a newborn is probably one of the toughest time periods in child development (Right!?! Please tell me I'm right in assuming this will be one of the hardest phases for parenting.)
Enough purging for now. I need to finish packing. We are headed to Maine with the family for some much needed time away. I think the fresh air will be good for all of us.
And I head back to therapy next week. That too is much needed!