Mommie Dearest

I knew motherhood would be challenging. I never had the naive, preconceived notions that it would be all baby's breath, puppies, and carnations. However, I never imagined it would be this hard. I'm not really talking about the day to day stuff. I can handle that (on most days). Luckily my girl is a great sleeper and my husband is a wonderful father. The daily minutia is way more manageable with helpful husband , at least 9 hours sleep, and did I mention, our nanny sent from heaven above?

Its the larger issues that have me troubled. We are now out of the 'baby' phase into the 'toddler' phase and the girl gets what's going on. Every day is a new adventure in mothering. And with that comes the constant second guessing, the constant questioning of decisions. I never imagined the incessant persevering over things I never even knew existed... are we being consistent enough? Are we doing the right thing by having a nanny take care of her instead of exposing her to other kids at daycare? Is she going to outgrow the separation/stranger anxiety phase? Is she going to be able to to make friends? Why is she whining? Am I coddling her too much? Am I reading enough to her? And it goes on and on and on...

These are the questions that don't really have answers. At the end of the day, when I'm falling asleep, I just try to remind myself that I'm doing my best. I'm figuring it out as I go along. And as I always tell my older sister, the first born in our brood, "The first child is always the practice one."

And if I am still feeling inadequate, I search the internet and come across nuggets like this. Bring on my Mother of the Year award.