Things I will miss about being pregnant:
- Using my body for what it was designed to do. (This statement will upset the feminists.)
- Reckless eating with reduced guilt
- Elastic waistbands
- Growing a baby and feeling it move inside me. it really is a miracle.
- The kindness of people-They give you seats, hold doors, offer an extra smile, make small talk. They are also nice to people with babies too so I can probably milk this another year.
- My round belly- Like shoulder pads, the round belly distracts from other body parts.
- The things Beatrice says about the baby in my belly- The other day she was patting my belly and asked me if she could hold the baby. I told her that the baby wasn't ready to come out but that when he/she is here she can hold it. So now she keeps squeezing my belly saying "hold it" like she might be able to get him/her out. She's also been asking "baby come now?" I explained to her that the baby will be here after Uncle David's birthday. I think I've done more harm than good with my timeline though because she keeps saying "Uncle Dabid birthday, cake, ice cream, baby." So you know once those candles are blown out, she's gonna be looking high and low for this baby. Other times, she'll put her ear to my belly and tell me the baby is sleeping or crying. I will really miss those special moments.
Things I will NOT miss about pregnant:
- Conversations like this one- Unnamed family family member: "Wow, look at that belly. Every time I see you it just gets bigger and bigger." Please note that I see said family member at least once a week.
- Conversations like this one- Local Gas Attendant (he pumps my gas once a week): "Wow, how much longer are you going to be able to drive. You're not going to be able to reach the wheel pretty soon."
- Conversations like this one- Julia, holding up maternity pants: "Cory, you weren't supposed to put these in the dryer." Cory: "How was I supposed to know. Look, they are still enormous, they didn't shrink." *
- Blowing my nose - when I am not pregnant, I probably blow my nose once a month. I am not a snotty person. Good lord, when I am pregnant, there is some intense snottage. And bloody snottage. Sick.
- Losing the bellybutton- Please come home bellybutton. I'll take good care of you, I promise.
* Yup, he used the word enormous.